The 4 Stages of Change: Why You Might Not Be as Stuck as You Think

One of the biggest mistakes I see smart, driven women make is expecting themselves to operate the same way in every season of change.

We want clarity. We want a plan. We want to know what’s next. And preferably, we’d like to start taking action by Tuesday.

But change doesn’t always work that way.

One of my favorite frameworks for understanding change is Martha Beck’s Change Cycle. Using the metamorphosis of a butterfly as a metaphor, this framework identifies four distinct stages we move through as our lives, careers, businesses, and identities evolve. Understanding which stage you’re in can completely change the way you support yourself through the process.

Stage 1: Dissolving

Something is ending. Maybe you left a job, a relationship changed, your business isn’t working the way it used to, or nothing dramatic has happened—but you can feel that an old version of your life no longer fits.

Martha Beck compares this stage to a caterpillar entering a cocoon and quite literally beginning to dissolve. Not exactly the most comfortable part of becoming a butterfly.

This stage can feel confusing, emotional, and disorienting. Your job here isn’t necessarily to take immediate action. Despite what we’ve been taught in our Western, individualist culture, springing into action isn’t always the most aligned path. Sometimes we need time to grieve, heal, and let an old identity dissolve.

It can look like nothing is happening, but profound change may already be underway.

Stage 2: Dreaming and Scheming

This is where possibility starts to return. The new version of your life isn’t fully formed yet, but you begin to imagine what it could become.

You start asking different questions: What do I actually want? What could my life look like? What if I tried something completely different?

This stage is about curiosity and imagination. You don’t need a perfect plan yet. You need room to dream.

For many high-achieving women, this can be surprisingly uncomfortable. We’re often much more practiced at executing a plan than imagining a new one. But the butterfly isn’t ready to fly yet. And neither are you.

Stage 3: Trial and Error

Now, we move. You try the new role. Launch the offer. Have the conversation. Apply for the job. Take the class.

This is where we start testing our wings. Some things work. Some things absolutely do not. That’s not a sign you’re doing it wrong.

Trial and error is how we collect the information we couldn’t access by thinking harder. Clarity often comes from moving.

Stage 4: Mastery

Eventually, things begin to click. What once felt unfamiliar becomes natural. You build competence. Confidence grows. The new identity begins to feel like yours.

You’re flying.

This is often the stage we want to rush toward. But here’s the problem: we create unnecessary suffering when we demand Stage 4 results from ourselves while we’re still in Stage 1.

We call ourselves stuck, unfocused, unmotivated, or behind, when we might actually be exactly where we need to be.

What stage of change are you in?

Think about one area of your life or leadership that feels uncertain right now. Are you dissolving, dreaming, testing your wings, or flying?

And perhaps more importantly: what does this stage actually need from you?

Not what you think you should be doing. What do you need?

Navigating a change of your own?

If you're in the middle of a career or life transition and aren't sure what comes next, let's talk.

I offer complimentary 30-minute strategy calls for women leaders who are ready to get clear on where they are, what they want next, and the practical next step forward.

Book your complimentary strategy call here.

You don't have to have the answer before we talk. That's kind of the point.